I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
