Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
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Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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