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I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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