Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
