just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
