The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize