First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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