If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
