I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
