just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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