Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
