It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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