Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
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