I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
