Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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