what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize