Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Randomize
