dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
