So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
