Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
