awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
