i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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