I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
