Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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