Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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