So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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