i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
