Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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