i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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