The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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