It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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