OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
