if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
