Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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