Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
