I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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