Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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