I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
