saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
