to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
