So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Randomize
