Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
