Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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