You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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