Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
