My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
