I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
