At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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