Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
