i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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