We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
