I smell stomach acid.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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