Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
