shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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