She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
